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davidkirk
Forum Admin
USA
456 Posts |
 Posted - January 29 2005 : 11:00:21 AM
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Handfasting for Today
By Susanna Duffy (susanna@yarralink.com)
Milestones Celebrant
www.celebrant.yarralink.com
Phone (Melbourne Australia) 9489.1096
Tell me about Handfasting
Handfasting is an ancient custom, common in Ireland and Scotland under the ancient Brehon law,. It was originally a celebration of a man and woman joining in partnership, and to symbolise this, their hands, or more accurately, their wrists, were tied together. This custom gave us the expression "tying the knot" which we use to mean getting married..
Handfasting survives in several forms today.
- As a Ceremony of Renewal of Vows when a couple have been married or in partnership for some time and want to renew their vows in a more meaningful ceremony than the original. Many new grandparents renew their commitment to each other with a revised renewal of vows
- As a nonreligious ceremony of partnership. It's often used instead of the Judeo-Christian marriage ceremony as there¡¦s no connection in the ceremony to organised religion
- As a Commitment Ceremony between mature people
- As a Commitment Ceremony between GLBT couples
- As a marriage rite between pagan and Wiccan couples
A Couple may exchange vows, cut a cake together, share food and drink, exchange rings, tie their hands together or jump over a broom. You can pick and choose from any number of customs and rituals from a variety of times and cultures. You can write a large part of your ceremony and choose an exchange of vows uniquely your own.
In earlier times, records of marriages would be kept by Church and State but these significant events were overseen by the whole community. This witnessing by the social group set the union in law.
When two people plan to be together, to support each other and to pass through life as a couple forever, the ritual of commitment is an important and deeply meaningful milestone of passage as a couple. You pass this milestonewith friends and family so they support and recognise you as a unit
Handfasting has grown in popularity among those whose distant ancestors lived in ancient Celtic lands., but when two people in love decide to make their feelings known publicly, it makes no difference where their ancestry lies,
What's Covered in this ebook
Considerations for Couples and Planning your Handfasting.
Ceremony Basics.
Customs, Rituals and Lore.
Considerations for Couples
You¡¦re making a significant decision, you¡¦re taking a significant step. You¡¦re asking others to bear witness at this moment in your lives. Consider your reasons for making your commitment public before you choose the ceremony that¡¦s right for you
Take your time to think and reflect on these issues. Discuss them with each other. By working together in deciding the answers to these questions, you not only strengthen your process of communication and decision making but get a clearer idea of what you really want.
Together you will create the framework for your handfasting, a basic
shape to build into a moving ceremony - a ceremony for your commitment to each other.
Planning your Ceremony
Why
Why do we as individuals and as a couple want to link our lives
together? Why do we want recognition of our commitment?
Why are we having a handfasting? What does getting handfasted mean to us? What do we hope that getting handfasted will do for us and our relationship?
What will this mean to our family ? What will this mean to our
children? What will this mean to our friends? What message are we
giving them ?
When and Where
What date ? What time of day do we want it, mid-afternoon, evening?
Where do we plan to have this ceremony? In what specific place do we
want to have the handfasting? Do we want the ceremony outdoors or
inside?
If it's outside, what shelter is available in case of rain? Will everyone present be able to hear the ceremony ? Will seats be needed for guests? Are there elderly guests who need special seating, special attention? Will there be children? Will someone be needed to supervise them?
Who
How large of a group of guests do we want to have? Who are the guests we definitely want to be present? What other guests would we like to be present? Are there guests for a celebration but not for the ceremony itself?
Do we want other people to perform some role, a friend or a child who would have a role to play in our ceremony?
How
Do we want music? What music do we want? At what point in the ceremony do we want it to be played? How is it to be played, on a CD, a tape?
Do we want our ceremony photographed, video taped? Who will do it?
How long do we want our ceremony to be? Twenty minutes, thirty minutes?
How formal do we want our handfasting to be: informal, somewhat
formal, very formal?
How elaborate do we want our handfasting to be: simple, moderate,
complex?
Do we want guests seated or standing, and in what configuration during the ceremony ? Do we need an usher?
How do we plan to actually start our ceremony? Will we enter together, or singly? How do we plan to do when the ceremony is finished? How do we end our ceremonial day?
What
What customs do we want as part of our ceremony?
What is the colour theme for our hand fasting?
What form of clothing and colours do we plan to wear?
What flowers or other plants do we plan to wear, to carry and have as decorations?
What ideas do we have for our ceremony design and decor?
Ceremony Basics
Planning
Begin at least 3 months in advance. If you are considering a celebrant for your hand fasting, find one of your choice to set the date, adapt an outline and prepare. If you don¡¦t have a celebrant in your neighbourhood, you must have a good and trusted friend who will do the job with sincerity
Rehearsal
24 - hours before the ceremony, a short run-through is held with those who have roles
Site Preparation
1-4 hours before the ceremony begins the area is consecrated,
Then at the set time, the ceremony will start
The Ceremony Procedure
Arrival of Guests
A group processional entry or direction of seating by ushers
(music may be played here)
Welcome and Special Acknowledgments
Celebrant announces the intent of the Ceremony and the Couple acknowledges family, ancestors, and/or special guests.
Attunement - optional
Circle Casting - optional
Elemental Blessings - optional
Directions - optional
Exchanging of Vows and Rings
The couple recite a statement, saying that they have come of their own free will "in perfect love and perfect trust" to seek this partnership. They exchange rings. Each recites a prepared statement, such as: "I, so and so, commit myself to be with so and so in joy and sadness¡§ ¡Ketc (So be it.)
Customs e.g. - tie the knot, broom jump
Blessings
Well wishes from the Celebrant, family, friends and/or guests.
Assimilation and Contemplation
In silence, or with music, prose, or poetry.
Pronouncement
The Celebrant pronounces that the Couple is now in a committed partnership.
Sharing
Couple shares a drink and a kiss
Celebration
Receiving line, photographs, feasting, gift opening, party
Customs and Common Rituals
The Cord.
While facing each other, the couple place their right hands
together and then their left hands together to form an infinity symbol while a cord is tied around their hands. A variation of this has the man and woman placing their right hands together while a cord is used to tie a knot around their wrists. This custom is the source of the term ¡§tie the knot"
Colours of the Cord used in Tying the Knot and their significance
„X Dark Blue - for a safe journey and longevity
„X Light Blue - for understanding and patience
„X Pink - for romance, honour, partnership and happiness
„X Green - for health, prosperity, luck, fertility and beauty
„X Red - for courage, strength and passion
„X Yellow - for wisdom and harmony
„X Brown - for healing animals and the home
„X Silver - for creativity and protection
„X Gold - for unity, prosperity, and longevity
„X White - for peace, sincerity and devotion
Exchange of rings
Rings have been exchanged since the Middle Ages. The custom is to
exchange vows at the same time. Once it was believed there was a vein in the third finger of the left hand running directly to the heart, so placing a ring on that finger denoted the strong connection of a heartfelt love. Many ring styles have symbolised unending Love :rings of hemp, rushes, tin and the durable iron of the Romans. Today's favourites are silver or gold.
The Challenge.
The traditional question, whether anyone present is aware of any
reason why the couple should not be handfasted, is asked.
(Hopefully, nobody objects)
The Circle
A circle is formed on the ground with rocks or some other markers
large enough to handle the entire ceremonial party and guests with
plenty of empty space. The Directions are marked with symbols
Colours of Clothes
While the white of the wedding dress is instantly recognisable, a mature couple making their commitment can choose any colour they wish. In Chinese culture, the colour red has a deep and powerful meaning and is used in all significant ceremonies, for red is the symbol of happiness and ultimate joy. Blue is the lucky colour if you have an Irish connection, and it's traditional for the woman to braid her hair, as this is considered a sacred way to keep feminine power and luck.
Something old, something new
Another common custom still honoured today in commitment ceremonies.
The couple both have 'something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue, and a silver sixpence in a shoe'. The old component is the friends and family attending. The new is represented by the Couple themselves, as a new union. The borrowed is something from the families that is to be returned, such as a small talisman, token, lucky charm, gift or a card from a child. Something blue represents the female power. A silver coin is tucked into the left shoe to symbolise wealth, both in monetary means and love, to the union.
The Cake
There has always been a cake. Everybody from the ancient Bablyonians, Egyptians, Greeks, Romans and Celts has celebrated with a cake. Small cakes, large cakes, wheat cakes, sugar cakes, oat cakes, cakes to throw, cakes to crumble over the head and, of course, cakes to eat.
Jumping the Broom
The broom jump is associated with the British Isles especially the
Hebrides of Scotland. Hand in hand, the couple jump over the broom to symbolise the crossing of a threshold into a new life together where they face the world as one.
Candles
There are many traditional customs involving candles. One example
has the couple light a candle in unison holding a long match together as a symbol of union You can discuss candle ceremonies together or ask your Milestones Celebrant for a list of possibilities
To sum up ...
Rituals are part of our history and a sacred aspect of our society.
We move from childhood to university or to a trade, we marry or
reach some other phase of our life. We use ceremony to move from
one stage to another in a clearly defined manner. A meaningful ceremony, with its ritual and symbols, allows us to focus on our thoughts and feelings, orients and orders our intellectual processes , and lives forever in our memory.
For consultation, planning, and officiating with Milestone Ceremonies.
Handfasting Fee $300
By Susanna Duffy (susanna@yarralink.com)
Milestones Celebrant
www.celebrant.yarralink.com
Phone (Melbourne Australia) 9489.1096
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David Kirk
Founder of GayRites
david@GayRites.net
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