Dear Jon –
 
My apologies for taking so long in responding to your post.  I’ve actually been working on my response for days and I’m now up to about 9 pages of comments.  Then I realized I was taking on way more than what you asked for so here’s a much simpler response.  Maybe I should just write the damn book I’ve been putting off for so long.
 
As you know I’m not a licensed doctor or therapist, however I’ve been giving advice in this area for a loooong time.  Let me say up front that if you think this is really a medical or psychological problem then you should consult a licensed, professional practitioner.  It seems to me that it’s not either of those but only you can make that determination.
 
Having said all that, I hope you find the following useful.  And I’m very glad to hear that you and your bf are working on this together.  Makes it sooooo much more fun!
 
Admitting that you’d like to change things is the first step.  Yeah I know how very 12-step of me, but it really does help to recognize and admit that you are unsatisfied and want to change things.  I don’t see your situation as a problem – just an opportunity.  You know what you want and you’re ready to go for it.
 
You’ve got to let go of expectations.  Don’t expect to get instant results (if you do, lemme know ‘cause you may be on to something.)  Take the focus off of cumming and trying to “get there”.  Easier said than done I know ‘cause we men do tend to be orgasmically focused.  Since you’re trying to take a new route to “there” think of it as an unplanned adventure and that you’re going to discover lots of fun new things along the way.  You will definitely encounter some frustration and have to make some real effort but having it be an adventure of discovery will help you through those tough spots.
 
Communicate Communicate Communicate!!!  So, you and the bf are gettn all romantical and you decide that tonight’s the night you’d like to try cumming with him blowing you.  This is where the communication part gets fun.  As he’s going down on you, guide him.  Tell him what’s working – “mmm baby that feels sooooo good, can you lick the head more”, etc.  Don’t get all technical with him, just tell him what does or doesn’t feel good.  If you have to, show him.  Should he use more spit – or less?  Should he use his hand – or not – or sometimes?  Watch the teeth, tickle your balls, vary the action.  Then stop and take a breath.  Kiss him, change it up a little bit.  Then gently guide him back to your dick and start again.  Then stop.  Altogether.  Don’t expect to cum from his blowing you for the first few times you start experimenting.  Since you already know you can cum from jerking off, you can still do that if you feel you really need to.  I’d recommend not cumming every time while your experimenting (oy, I can hear all you guys out there screaming at me now  - “whaddya nuts, no way he can do all that without cumming”.  Yes Virginia, you can.)  What’s key here is really beginning to own your sexual response, talk about it in a way that’s fun and exciting and recognizing that it’s a fun thing you get to do with your bf. 
 
After each time, make sure that you two are loving and tender with each other.  He’s learning too and might want some reassurance from you afterwards.  Never get out of bed, disappointed, upset, angry, whatever.  Reconnect and reassure.
 
So let me address this communication thing.  For some folks this is really easy.  They’re naturally verbal and have always been able to easily express themselves verbally during sex.  For many of us, not so much.  I was well into my late 30’s before I really took full control of my sexual experience.  And part of that was learning how to talk to my lover about what I wanted and what felt good and to ask him what’s working for him or not.  And I’m here to tell you that today I am a world class champ at it.  Well ok, a bit of hyperbole but my sexual partners often praise me for this.  They say it’s not only hot and sexy but they really like knowing what pleases me and that I’m really interested in their pleasure.  It might feel awkward at first but if you consider it as play then that should help you both relax about it.  And if you’re a little embarrassed about it then tell him.  Have a little laugh over it.  Then get back to business. 
 
All too often we human creatures rely on guess work to understand what another person is experiencing.  Based on results I’d say that guesswork is usually not the best method of communication.  We’ve been given these fabulous tools to actually tell someone else how it really is for us.  As we say to the little ones when they are first learning about communication –“Use your words.”  And this advice goes for those folks who may be hearing and/or vocally impaired!  One of the most gratifying, exciting and intimate relationships I ever had was with a man who was hearing and vocally impaired.  His primary means of communication was of course, sign language.  And in bed, ooooh honey, lemme tell you, that man could communicate his damn head off.  Both of them.  For one thing we had to look at each other – eyes wide open – during sex.  Very hot!  His sensuality and touch was off the charts.  And signing during sex actually became a very intimate part of our play (of course I had to learn some things but that made it all the more fun.) 
 
I could write a book about this alone.  But moving on . . .
 
There are a lots of other things you can do to continue expanding your sexual response.  Try them all or some of them.  Here’s a very short list:
 

• Lube- try different kinds.  Use lots or a little.  Have your b/f just jerk your dick using lube while you lay back and let him have the fun of pleasing you.  Have him vary the jack off with going down on you and then return to the jack off.  If he’s worried about taste experiment with flavored lubes.

 

• Fleshlights– you probably know what these are, but in case you don’t here’s a link to a good site - http://www.fleshlight.com/build-your-own/?link=281&gclid=CLvsy5WRm6wCFQRShwodhQ_BOg&ad=3191468774.   They’re real fun and very popular right now and couples of all descriptions are using them.  You might just wanna get one (or two) anyway.

 

• Porn– again, maybe you’re already using it but if not, rent some that you like and including it in your sexplay.

 

• Fetishes– now this one might be down the road a ways but have a good honest chat with yourself about the area of fetishes.  Be honest about those secret little things you think about when you’re masturbating alone.  Now this might be a little scary for some folks because we tend to think of all kinds of whacked out shit when we hear the word fetish.  Some folks consider playing with your nipples a fetish, others just think of it as Monday.  The point is, identify those things that really get you excited when you think about them or watch them on Xtube and share them with your bf if you can feel comfortable doing so.  Maybe there’s one that you can explore with him.  Be prepared for him to say no.  Don’t’ take it as a rejection.  It’s just that one man’s rose is another man’s weed.  Again, this is an adventure.  Be adventurous.

 
These are just some ideas to jump start you –so ta speak.  There are lots and lots of other things to try.  I’m sure some of our readers out there have other great suggestions.  If you do, please respond here and let us know what they are.  I’m sure I need to learn a few new things myself! 
 
Now you made a point of mentioning that your bf is pretty vanilla in his sexual tastes.  I’m gonna go out on a limb here and guess that you are not, and that there are other things you’d like to do sexually with him.  Great!  Of course you’ll want him to participate fully with whatever it is that you explain to him and since he’s already agreed to work on making your sex life more pleasurable, I suspect he might just get into it.  You’ll just have to take the initiative, guide him through it, COMMUNICATE and be patient.
 
Well I could go on (and have as I said above) but this should be a good starter. 
 
Jon, I’ve been deliberately lighthearted here.  We all really can do with a bit of lightening up about the whole subject of sex.  But I hear your frustration and understand that this is a real problem for you.  I have faith that you can get to where you want to go.  This is not an unsolvable problem.  Remember that you have to communicate, have a sense of adventure, experiment and stay committed.  To quote one of my favorite movies:  “Never give up.  Never surrender”.  This is your life and your sexuality so take control and get all the goodies!
 
I appreciate you trusting us with all of this.  Please keep us posted about how it’s going for you and what successes you’re having along the way. 
 
Love, Always –
 
The Prince

The Prince has been attending to his Western Kingdom and I have dispatched a special emissary to alert him to your question. He'll be responding with his princely wisdom shortly!