I love a celebration! I love marking occasions with celebrations! I also love ceremony. Any kind, high Catholic Latin masses, Princess Diana’s funeral, the swearing in of the President of the United States (although not the most recent one), graduations and weddings and commitment ceremonies.

Especially weddings and commitment ceremonies!!! Good thing since I officiate at so many.

I love the excitement they generate. I love the planning (yes I do because I’m an organization freak). I love the rituals and the romance. I love the fact of a couple declaring their love and commitment in front of their friends and family. I love the sentiment. And I love the tears of joy and happiness.

On May 10, 2003 I had the true privilege and honor to officiate the commitment ceremony of my wonderful friends Stephen and Garry in Long Beach, California. From the moment they got engaged (Stephen proposed to Garry on a beach in Mexico) they started planning. They called me as soon as they got back to the States and asked me to marry them. I was so excited I started jumping up and down and fell head first into the back of a living room chair. Without dropping the phone and never missing a beat, Stephen and I began planning. They went through lots of different options: Hawaii, church, back yard, on a hilltop, on a boat. Oy, they could not make up their minds but what fun we had considering the choices. We discussed what they might want for the ceremony itself. We started by talking about what it would mean to them and what emotional experience they wanted (some folks want tear jerkers and some want straight up cut and dried bang yer married...). We talked about the formality and the guests and the other ceremony participants. During this time I began drafting an outline for what I thought might be an appropriate ceremony for them. Oh man this was sooooooooo much fun. Finally we settled on the format and the language.

In order to really have the ceremony they wanted and the guests they wanted, etc. they decided to hold the event in the back yard of their incredibly charming cottage. Hmm, gee, it just so happened that there was a raised area in the back of their yard that was perfect for a “stage”.

The preparations had begun the day before when the tables and chairs were delivered and the caterer arrived to prep and the florist set up shop in the garage. All of these folks happened to be friends of the groom and groom. Music was playing on the sound system set up for the event and as I walked down the driveway that day to check on the progress (I told you I’m a control freak!), you could hear the joking and teasing and fun that everyone was having. We were all so excited. It was like being kids on Christmas morning. Really!

The morning of May 10th was a glorious Southern California morning. Sunny, warm with a gentle breeze blowing from the ocean to keep the air cool. The ceremony was to begin at 2:00pm with the reception immediately following. The beautifully manicured front lawn was decorated with balloons and flower arrangements. The driveway had been covered and was now lined with tables covered in white linen. The bar was set up for pre-ceremony cocktails and the back yard was set with white chairs for the guests. The stage had been beautifully draped and decorated with flowers. I found Stephen and Garry inside the house handling last minute details. The caterers were rushing around. A last minute sound check was being done. Friends who had helped in the arrangements began arriving early to lend a hand wherever it may be needed. The wedding party began to get dressed. As the other guests arrived they were served cocktails and hors d’ouerves. The neighborhood was abuzz. Folks driving down their street began slowing down to catch a glimpse of the party. The guests started moving to their seats. We gathered the wedding party for a last minute check and to remind them of their cues. The signal was given for all the guests to take their seats and the pre-ceremony music started. As I sent the attendants outside to take their places, I took Stephen and Garry (they were so nervous) aside to do something I do at every ceremony. I gave them an opportunity to “opt out”. "You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to", I told them. "Really, you could skip out, take the limo go to the airport and start the honeymoon a day early." Of course they looked at me like I was nuts, started laughing and realized how much in love they were and now they couldn’t wait to get started.

One of the things that Stephen and I have in common is that we are both sentimental saps (had ya fooled huh?!) Because of this I had been promising Stephen that I was gonna have him crying from the moment I started the ceremony. As it turned out I didn’t have to work too hard. You have to understand that there was a very high level of excitement and love already present.

After the attendants came down the aisle and took their respective places I nodded to the two men to start their walk down. The music they’d selected started and hand-in-hand they began their walk. As they turned to reach the first row of guests, the guests started applauding. And applauding. And then cheering. And soon all 130 guests were on their feet cheering and applauding as Stephen and Garry reached the stage. Tears were already streaming down both their faces. And down mine and the attendants and most of the guests. And we hadn’t even started the damn ceremony!!!

Another thing I do at many ceremonies is I begin by asking the guests to remember something special about the couple (one or both of them). Remember a moment they shared together that reminds them of their love for the couple and I give everyone a minute to do this. Next I ask them to hold that memory present throughout the ceremony. At this point something magical happens. I don’t quite know how to explain it other than that the presence of love in the room becomes quantumly higher and the guests are now intimately part of the ceremony, no longer just spectators, but truly present to the vows that the couple are exchanging.

Stephen and Garry’s ceremony was wonderfully joyous, moving and loving. And I honestly don’t remember a more fun reception. Every guest mingled, the food was perfect, the weather stayed glorious the whole day and everyone celebrated until we had to kick them out. It was truly a perfect day.

Wedding and commitment ceremonies are opportunities to bring a community together. They are opportunities to put aside all of the other “stuff” of our lives and experience the one thing that I think really matters – love.

After all, all there ever really is, is love.

xo,
HRH